PRIMARY SCRIPTURE
Proverbs 15:5
SECONDARY SCRIPTURES
Proverbs 12:1 and Ephesians 6:1-4
TEACHING PREP
The short overview below is designed to help you prepare for your lesson. While you may not want to convey this information word-for-word with your teenagers, you’ll definitely want to refer to it as you lead your lesson.
Read Proverbs 15:5.
The book of Proverbs is filled with wisdom written by such people as King Solomon, who crafted the sayings found in Proverbs 15. He wrote many of these verses to his children, endeavoring to teach them how to live. That’s the role of parents: to instruct their children, giving them God-honoring guidance and direction.
This week’s key verse teaches that we gain wisdom through correction and discipline—something we often forget. Although we have a natural, human aversion to being told what to do or to being told to stay inside boundaries, God desires us to live lives of discipline because he loves us and seeks earnestly to protect us. Boundaries may appear to young teenagers as attempts to crush individuality, limit pleasure, and stifle fun, but boundaries ultimately benefit us because they keep us safe and on track with God’s best for our lives.
Our lesson focuses on reasons for and rewards from getting along with parents. When teenagers obey their parents and do what they are asked to do, it can reduce strife in the family and help create a safer, more peaceful environment.
Special notes for this series
When you talk about family, ugly stuff can come to the surface. This is OK; that’s why we’re talking about this topic in the safe setting of a small group. We’ve found that it’s best to focus on solutions and individual responsibility rather than joining in when a student complains about family members. While you may feel like you are building a bridge by identifying or agreeing with a student, you may be working to break down the family if you take sides or criticize parents or other family members.
Please remember: If you have students who come from blended families, they may be carrying extra “baggage” surrounding stepparents and divorce. And while it’s true that some families experience far, far more dysfunction than “normal” family dysfunction, this is not the norm. If your students are complaining about their parents, remember there are always two sides to every story.
But if any teenager does reveal that abuse is occurring in the home, you need to contact your youth pastor or other appropriate church leaders immediately so the situation can be addressed. Do NOT ignore the issue.
Text Message Questions
We’ve provided a couple of different text message questions to send out to your students prior to your meeting. Feel free to use one or both of the questions below. As with the rest of the curriculum, edit these questions to fit the needs of your ministry.
- What kinds of road signs do drivers see every day? Write down some ideas and bring your list to small group tonight.
- Why do parents make rules for you to follow? What’s the point? Let’s talk about it tonight at small group.
Parent Email
We’ve provided you with an email below that you can send to your parents following the lesson. Our hope is to encourage parents to continue the conversation at home. Feel free to edit and customize the email to fit your ministry needs.
Dear parents,
Our small groups continued their study on “Family Matters” this week by talking about ways teenagers can get along better with their parents. This week’s key verse was Proverbs 15:5, which teaches that we gain wisdom through correction and discipline—something we often forget.
Although we have a natural, human aversion to being told what to do or to being told to stay inside boundaries, God desires us to live lives of discipline because he loves us and seeks earnestly to protect us. Boundaries may appear to young teenagers as attempts to crush individuality, limit pleasure, and stifle fun, but boundaries ultimately benefit us because they keep us safe and on track with God’s best for our lives.
Our lesson focused on reasons for and rewards from getting along with parents. When teenagers obey their parents and do what they are asked to do, it can reduce strife in the family and help create a safer, more peaceful environment.
Here are some questions you might choose to incorporate in a conversation with your teenager about this week’s lesson:
- If we had zero rules here at home, what would your life look like? Would this be a good thing or a bad thing—and why do you feel the way you do?
- Why do you think the Bible promises that “things will go well” and you’ll experience a “long life” if you honor your parents?
- What do you think is the connection between obeying and honoring parents, and obeying and honoring God?
I’m praying that you and your teenager have a healthy, insightful, beneficial dialogue this week. Thanks for your support for our youth ministry and small groups!
family matters
Week 2: Getting Along With Parents
- 2. LESSON GUIDE
GETTING THINGS STARTED [optional]
Welcome your students and invite them into your meeting area. Open in prayer, and then jump into the activity below:
Have each student find a partner. Give each pair a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. Explain to your students that you’re going to give everyone just two minutes to come up with as many road signs as possible. Students don’t have to draw the signs—they just have to write down the instruction or rule each sign communicates.
After two minutes, find out which pair created the longest list—you might want to review the list, to make sure they haven’t written down a bunch of fictitious road signs—and then award a small prize (such as candy) for the pair that won the competition.
ASK:
- If your mom or dad decided to ignore road signs while driving, what are some of the possible consequences?
- What would happen if ALL drivers decided to start ignoring road signs? What would be the result?
- How might those results be similar to what happens to a family when people don’t follow the rules or when children disobey and dishonor their parents?
SAY SOMETHING LIKE: Road signs are designed to protect us—they aren’t intended to make driving less fun. In fact, driving is more fun and good things happen when drivers follow the rules of the road. If drivers choose to ignore road signs, they risk suffering negative consequences. Today we’ll discover how this whole idea of obeying the rules relates to our families and our relationships with our parents.
If you came up with an opening activity, movie clip, or game that worked well with your group, and you’d like to share it with other youth workers, please email us at ideas@simplyyouthministry.com.
TEACHING POINTS
The goal of the Teaching Points is to help students capture the essence of each lesson with more discussion and less lecture-style teaching. The main points we have chosen here are (1) Parents have rules for a reason, and (2) Following the rules can bring good results.
Remember: All throughout these lessons, it’s up to you to choose (1) how many questions you use, and (2) the wording of the main points—keep ours, or change the wording to make it clearer for your audience.
Read Proverbs 15:5 together as a group. Consider allowing one or more of the teenagers to read the text.
SAY SOMETHING LIKE: This verse from the Bible says correction and disciple are good for us. Let’s spend a few minutes talking about why these are good things, and how obedience can help us get along better with our parents.
1. Parents have rules for a reason
ASK:
- Would the world be a better place or a worse place if people could do whatever they wanted, without any rules or guidelines to follow? Explain your opinion—and give us some examples of how you think the world would be better or worse.
- What are some of the rules that your parents have established for your family? What are the reasons behind those rules?
- If you decide to ignore the rules, what are the consequences?
- If your parents had zero rules, what might your life look like? Would this be a good thing or a bad thing—and why do you feel the way you do?
SAY SOMETHING LIKE: Let’s pretend for a moment that your parents had no expectations of you and no rules for you to follow. As exciting as that might sound, your parents would be doing you—and them and the rest of the family—great harm. Rules and boundaries can protect us, and your parents love you enough to want the best for you. When you ignore the rules and do whatever you want to do, fighting and arguing become a constant part of your life. Living in that atmosphere causes stress and chaos for both you and your parents.
2. Following the rules can bring good results
ASK:
- Would you rather live in a family filled with peace and safety or a family filled with chaos and conflict? Why?
- What are some of the negative consequences of disobeying your parents’ rules? [NOTE: Students will probably focus on the punishment-related consequences, but encourage them to think about how disobedience also affects relationships among family members.]
- What are some of the positive consequences of obeying those rules?
- Our key verse this week, Proverbs 15:5, says “whoever learns from correction is wise.” How do we become wise when we learn from correction and discipline?
- No one loves arguments and chaos, so why do we sometimes choose to ignore our parents’ rules? What’s the underlying motivation or reason?
- Let’s think back for a moment about the road signs. They keep everyone in harmony and protect us while we are driving. How does this parallel what your parents strive to do every day?
SAY SOMETHING LIKE: Rules help create peace and safety in families. God loves to see you contributing to a peaceful home by listening to what your parents say and obeying their rules. God loves it when you follow what the Bible teaches. Remember, the Bible is an instruction book for life. God loves you enough to want you to follow what the Bible teaches because he desires the best for your life. Obedience makes God happy—and it also makes your home happier, safer, and more peaceful.
ADDITIONAL DISCUSSION [optional]
ASK:
- If your parents show you how much they love you by disciplining you, what message do you send by obeying?
- Read Ephesians 6:1-4. Verses 2 and 3 quote one of the Ten Commandments, found in Exodus 20:12 and Deuteronomy 5:16. What’s the connection between honoring your parents and obeying your parents?
- Why do you think the Bible promises that “things will go well” and you’ll experience a “long life” if you honor your parents?
- What do you think is the connection between obeying and honoring our parents, and obeying and honoring God?
- Read Proverbs 12:1. What kind of discipline do you think this verse is talking about? How can a love for healthy discipline help you learn?
- If it’s “stupid to hate correction,” why do most of us still hate correction?
APPLICATION
SAY SOMETHING LIKE: Asking God for the strength to get along with your parents is a good thing. When you feel like you don’t want to listen or when you get frustrated by a rule or expectation, ask God to give you the strength to say and do the right thing.
Ask each student to find a partner for these questions.
ASK:
- What’s one area in which you struggle to obey or honor your parents? How can you begin to apply what we learned today to this area?
- How could you act differently with a parent or your parents this week to demonstrate your desire to help create a family atmosphere of peace and safety?
- How can I be praying for you this week?
SUMMARY
End your small group lesson here. Provide your teenagers with a quick summary or take-home challenge based on (1) the content of this lesson, (2) the dialogue that took place during the lesson, (3) your understanding of the issues and struggles your teenagers are facing, and (4) the big picture of your youth ministry and what your leadership team wants accomplished with the teaching and discussion time.
FOR KEEPS [MEMORY VERSE]
Encourage and/or challenge your teenagers to memorize the verse below.
To learn, you must love discipline; it is stupid to hate correction (Proverbs 12:1).