LESSON OBJECTIVES
Goals
1. Expose students to a counter-cultural, biblical view of their dating relationships
2. Inspire students to work on their relationship with God first, before any other relationship
3. Challenge students with the possibility that not dating is a legitimate option in their lives
Topics
Caring, Feelings, Fellowship, Relationships, Self Control, Spiritual Growth, Trust, Unity
Scripture Memorization
1 John 3:16
OPENING PRAYER (5 to 10 minutes)
GROUP BUILDING (5 minutes)
A lot is dependent upon our eyes. To prove this point, I need a volunteer.
(Before your meeting time, set up a basic obstacle course or task list for a blindfolded person to have to perform. This could be making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, negotiating a chair slalom, or putting on some make-up. The task doesn’t matter, the performance when blindfolded is the point.)
I’m going to blindfold you and you are going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Everything you need is on this table. You get 2 minutes. On your mark, get set, go!
GETTING STARTED (10 minutes)
General Discussion:
• We all got a good laugh at that, but who thinks they could’ve done better? (If you have time, let more than one person try)
• Why do you think it’s harder to do certain things with your eyes closed or blindfolded? What do you think it would be like to be blind?
Unfortunately, some of us are living as if we’re blind in certain areas of our lives. One area that this is true in is the area of personal relationships, especially dating.
DIGGING IN (25 minutes)
The Bible never mentions dating, but there are some things we can learn about relationships that apply.
It all starts with 1 John 3:16. Ask someone to read this passage.
We know what love is because of Jesus. When a guy or girl says they love you it’s okay to ask the question, “Really?” The Bible says God is love. To know love is to know God. To know God is to know love. Chances are, no matter how nice a guy or girl might be, as a teenager, they probably don’t understand the fullness of what it means to tell someone “I love you.”
I think a good first step is to understand how things work with guys and gals. To do this, I’d like to describe something called the relationship ladder.
Basically, guys and girls view relationships very differently, but both have a mental ladder of how things should go. The end result for both is commitment, but getting to commitment requires two other rungs on the ladder. For the girl, they seek emotional intimacy first. Guys, on the other hand, are looking for physical intimacy.
The problem comes when two people are in a dating relationship together and both are looking for commitment from the other. If a girl is trying to gain emotional commitment that a guy won’t give, she’ll often skip her first rung to give him physical intimacy. In that case, the physical need has been met for the guy and he goes no further. That’s why when break-ups happen a girl can be devastated and a guy won’t understand why—he’s not as emotionally attached and doesn’t know that the girl is up the ladder further than he is.
I say all that to say this—the general approach to relationships is a selfish approach—people looking to get their needs met first. But that’s not the model that Jesus sets forth. Remember 1 John 3:16.? Let’s read it again.
Read 1 John 3:16
Discussion Questions
1. What did Jesus do to show us love? (laid down His life)
2. What does that say about the way we should love others? (Unselfishly)
3. What does the rest of the Scripture say? (We ought to lay down our lives)
If you are dating a Christian, that’s your brother or sister. You should not selfishly pursue what you want, but instead put them first in humility. Instead of having our eyes focused on ourselves and our pleasure, we must open our eyes to the truth.
Here’s God’s idea of love:
Read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Read Ephesians 5:22-27
Discussion Questions
1. Based on these passages, what is God’s view of love? (Humble, respectful, pure, purposeful)
2. Do you feel like that is in line with what you see in the world today? Why/why not?
There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship as long as you’re ready to lay down your life for someone. That’s the biblical perspective. I want to give you an image of what it means “to be ready.”
MAKING IT REAL (15 minutes)
On a white board, chalk board, or in PowerPoint, bring what you’re saying to live with a diagram. Draw a triangle.
When you consider relationships, the base of your triangle has to be your relationship with God. For your relationship with anyone else to be right your relationship with God has to be right.
Read Luke 9:23
To follow Jesus we have to deny ourselves just like Jesus denied himself to save us from sin (1 John 3:16).
One side of the triangle has to be our love for ourselves.
Discussion Questions
1. How can we deny ourselves and love ourselves?
2. What do you think it means to love yourself?
What I mean is that you need to know you have value inherent from God. You are His child. I don’t mean arrogant self-love, but humble self-identity where you realize that you are a child of the King.
Read 1 John 3:1
It’s really true! We are God’s child, and we need to realize who we are before we can love someone else.
When we have a base that is our relationship to God and one side that is a realization of who we are, it is only then that we can really be ready to love someone else in the self-sacrificing way that Jesus commands.
Read Matthew 9:36
This verse may not seem to fit, but I want to point out something to you. The word “compassion” in v. 36 literally means “doubled over.” Jesus loved the people he saw so much it affected him physically. Unless we love someone like that—and our pain for them drives us to self-sacrifice, not self-service, we do not really understand what it means to love.
Discussion Questions
1. What is challenging about that passage?
2. Why do you think it’s difficult for people to prioritize their lives in this way?
3. Why do you think people are more inclined to live selfishly?
There’s a good chance that in this room some of you have not lived this way so far. Maybe some of you have hurt your brothers and sisters in Christ. Maybe you have selfish relationships. Maybe some of you need to break up with people, realizing that you need to get yourself right first before you can love someone else. We’re going to have some prayer time, and I want to encourage you to make things right by following a guided prayer. As I mention some things, pray that you can love like Jesus.
CLOSING PRAYER (2 minutes)
–Pray a prayer of forgiveness for a wrong you’ve done to a friend.
–Pray a prayer of mercy for a sin you’ve struggled with.
–Pray that God will give you strength to raise a standard you have lowered.
–Pray a prayer of praise that God loved you first and loved you sacrificially.
Amen.